When people get married, they believe they will stay together no matter what. But, things don’t always work out the way they were planned to.
Many people try to find out whether the kids would be better off in a home where parents are unhappy together but keep their marriage intact or in 2 separate homes where parents are happier but just do not live together.
Some stay together just because it’d be too complicated and difficult to get divorced. When they have children and mutual responsibilities, they believe that it’s better to stay together.
They feel pressure to stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of their children’s well-being. They think that doing so will help them raise well-adjusted kids, untouched by the challenges that come with divorce.
Even though they have good intentions, the impact on the family isn’t always positive. This means that instead of the happiness, security and stability they desire for their kids, the result is usually the opposite.
4 Reasons Why You Should NOT Stay Together for the Sake of the Children:
– Your kids will live in a place of conflict
It is important to understand that your kids aren’t immune to tension in your home, even if it does not involve them directly. Whether they just pick up on a sense of tension at the breakfast table or listen to all the details of a fight, they realize more than you think – and it can greatly affect them.
Occasional disagreements can teach them how to compromise, reconcile, and forgive. But, if your home seems like a battle zone more often than not, your kids will not feel happy and secure there.
– They will not learn about healthy relationships
It goes without saying that the first romantic relationship your children witness is the relationship between you and your spouse. Whether it is a marriage, a separated co-parenting relationship or any type of relationship in between, the way you talk about and treat one another will be the foundation of their future relationships.
Remember that they will mimic the relationship they see. So, if your relationship is unhealthy and dysfunctional, they will begin to believe that this kind of relationship is normal.
– They will not learn how to prioritize their own happiness
Staying in an unhealthy marriage for the sake of your children isn’t beneficial to them. If you do so, it will teach them that true love, self-worth and happiness are unimportant things. It will teach them that it isn’t as important to love yourself as it is to love others. So, if you want your children to live their lives to the fullest, you must show them how it’s done.
– They will always find somebody to blame for unhappiness and conflict
They will always find somebody to blame for unhappiness and conflict. They might take one parent’s side over the other, which’s a common and tragic dynamic typically seen in kids of divorce. They might also blame themselves for your family’s problems, which might lead to guilt, low self-esteem, anger management problems, anxiety, or depression.
But, the truth is that the trauma of a broken home may also take root without the legal proceedings of a divorce.
This means that divorce may be a positive thing for your kids. It may give you the opportunity to heal, grow and take control of your own happiness and life. And you will be able to teach your kids to do the same.
We aren’t trying to encourage you to leave your spouse. However, you are neither doing yourself nor your kids a favor by staying in an unhealthy marriage and projecting a rotten attitude on a daily basis.
If there’s love between you and your spouse and you are both willing to make your marriage last, you should stay together despite the struggle. However, if one or both of you have already checked out, you shouldn’t stay together.