A licensed psychologist, Jeffrey Bernstein, has counseled each age group, including couples, children, adolescents, and families. He has been in the field for over thirty years. Moreover, he has appeared on Court TV, The Today Show, and many television segments on both NBC and CBS. He has written 5 published books as well as has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, and Ladies Home Journal magazines.
Dr. Bernstein is an excellent psychological expert that thinks that love isn’t the most important thing in a relationship. According to him, even though love is great, it’s just not enough.
He has met a large number of divorced people that still love each other, but they haven’t understood each other.
He explains that the level of understanding between 2 people is more important to the viability of a relationship compared to love. He also adds that love without understanding isn’t “healthy” love.
Empathy is a more powerful variety of understanding
Empathy is a more powerful variety of understanding. It plays an essential role in a romantic relationship. According to Dr. Bernstein, many people reflect back on failed intimate relationships or marriages and say, ‘I think we simply drifted apart.’” He believes that what actually occurred is that they relied on their love vs. their understanding to get them through the passage of time and difficult challenges.
In fact, a lack of mutual understanding and the presence of love can pave the way to divorce court. Dr. Bernstein says that it usually becomes translated to ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.
The need to feel superior and right can prevent understanding, obstruct communication, and end a relationship
What’s more, the ego, or the need to feel superior and right, can prevent understanding, obstruct communication, and end a relationship. It has no place in any relationship. A relationship is actually a partnership. Additionally, intimacy demands vulnerability and trust in the partnership, which’s something that the Ego does not like.
The ego prevents people from understanding those that they care about and love.
Dr. Bernstein also explains that empathy is the emotional glue, which does hold all close relationships together. It does allow people to slow down and walk in the shoes they love.
In a nutshell, it’s the deep, emotional bond of empathy (and to a lesser extent, understanding) that’s more “significant” than love in parenting and intimate relationships.
Even though you might disagree with Dr. Bernstein, one thing is clear: your ability to understand (empathize) can carry severe implications for your relationship. If you actively practice empathy, your relationship will be more fulfilling and healthier. You can do it by seeking to understand first, then to be understood. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQszREVJSmU